James 1:19-20—Three behaviors for dealing with anger
So then, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath; for the wrath of man does not produce the righteousness of God. James 1:19-20 (NKJV)
Anger. It’s probably one of the first feelings you have when hit by any sort of trial. You may be all by yourself when the trial crops up; no one else may be involved at all, but you feel angry. That’s why you need to look at James 1:19-20 with an eye to two scenarios: dealing with anger that flares up toward others and dealing with the sense of upset that arises over things. Either one, when allowed to fester or explode out of control, can destroy the course of your life.
Anger felt needs to be anger dealt with.
Although anger is one of the most destructive forces within the heart of man, the Bible doesn’t blanketly call it sin. Ephesians 4:26 says, “Be angry without sinning. Don’t go to bed angry” (GOD’S WORD Translation). In other words, feeling anger is not wrong; letting it flash into unthinking rage is. Anger felt needs to be anger dealt with. Take care of the anger within you before you go to bed; don’t let your fury simmer on the back burner as you close your eyes for the night. When you retain your anger and offense, you probably find it hard to sleep. Dealing with anger appropriately will bring you great relief. If you don’t, Ephesians 4:27 paints a bleak picture: the devil will gain a foothold in your life.
Anger builds walls in relationships. It is natural to shun someone who has lapsed into anger; it is also just as natural to isolate yourself after yielding to a fit of rage. Anger can divide, frustrate, shame, undermine peace, and cause turmoil. That’s why it is good to read James’ first words in verse 19: “So then, my beloved brethren.” You may have burst into anger at a very inappropriate time; your anger may be out of control; but you are beloved. With this foundation—that you are loved by God—it’s time to consider the method James reveals for dealing with your anger.
He identifies three behaviors that will empower you to gain control over your anger. If you are perpetually geared toward rage, these three directives from James—when practiced over time—will start to dismantle the walls that your fury has erected and will bring peace both to your life and the lives of those you with whom you interact.
The force of unrestrained anger is like a flooding river—once it overflows the banks of your self-control, it will create havoc wherever it is released. The effect of out-of-control anger on the person who yields to it is also similar to some of the effects of alcohol on a binge drinker. Alcohol lowers the inhibitions that normally operate in an individual; anger also lowers your inhibitions. While under the influence of liquor, you don’t care what anyone thinks; while under the influence of fury, your only care is to “let ‘er rip”. And yet after a “drunk” or a fit of rage, the sober truth hits home: you were an idiot, your reputation has been compromised, and you may have hurt others profoundly.
Behavior number one: Be swift to hear.
Anger is typically explosive, unpredictable, loud, disruptive, and swift. The antidote James prescribes for rage is to be enacted with even greater speed than the flare up itself. What did he advise? Be swift to hear. The NIV says it this way: be quick to listen. One of the best ways to prepare yourself to deal with anger effectively is to take note of your listening manner. Do you listen to others or are you thinking about the next thing you want to say? If you prioritize your own part of the conversation over the other person’s, you will probably frustrate them, and unless they are willing to cut you a lot of slack, it’s a safe bet to say that conflict will arise.
Habitual non-listening paves the way for habitual anger.
Habitual non-listening paves the way for habitual anger. If you have developed the habit of speaking first, completely devaluing what the other person has to say, you have likely reaped loads and loads of bad results in your life. You may find that you are often left out or overlooked. Things may not seem to ever work out for you. If this is you, check your listening style! You may be surprised to learn that at the bottom of your mess is chronic slowness in hearing and quickness in speaking.
The same goes for your relationship with God. If you are quick to listen to Him, you will be much less inclined to fly off the handle in rage or self-pity when encountering a trial.
When I was relatively new to teaching at the middle school level, one of my classes was ripe with attitude. As they prepared to exit the room for lunch, their disregard for rules and civility got the better of me. Irate beyond reason, I reached to slam the classroom door shut and give them a “come to Jesus” talking to. Just before I grabbed that door, however, the Holy Spirit said, “Look!” I did, and what I saw knocked the wind out of me. A girl in line, ready for lunch, was grasping the hinged side of the door, her fingers holding on between the door and the jamb.
I gasped. In a flash I realized If I yield to my anger and slam that door, she’ll lose her fingers! and the fury instantly vanished. God had intervened with His still small voice, and both the girl and I were delivered. I shudder to think about what would have happened if I hadn’t been swift to hear the redirecting voice of God!
If you practice listening to God when you feel anger rising, it will spare both you and others a lot of pain and grief. And believe me; the disaster you avoid by resisting the luxury of indulged rage is priceless beyond measure.
Behavior number 2: Be slow to speak.
If you practice “swiftness in listening”, both to God and others, “slowness to speak and to wrath” will be far easier to achieve. You want to be heard; so does everyone else. Can you trust God that He will give you the opportunity to speak if you obey Him first with your listening? Being slow to speak is one way to “do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves” (Philippians 2:3). Allowing others to be heard is a key way to show that you value them. If you’re always talking, then you’re not listening, and they’re not being valued!
Behavior number 3: Be slow to wrath
In order to practice being slow to wrath, you’ll need to begin by concentrating on the first two behaviors—listening more and speaking less. In other words, don’t try to tackle anger by trying not to be angry! Most unnecessary conflicts will be headed off at the pass if you simply practice listening before speaking. Anger often arises in relationships when you don’t feel heard. Speaking more than listening opens the door to greater opportunities to get mad—the more you talk, the less others want to listen; and the less they listen, the madder you become!
James’ remedy is quite simple yet very profound. Be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath. It is so simple that you can practice it wherever you go. Just listen to those around you and then speak in response. You’ll be amazed at how quickly longstanding tensions will start to fade away.
You can even practice this all by yourself. Next time something goes wrong, don’t spout off in anger; don’t kick the wall or slam the door; just listen to that still small voice of the Holy Spirit within you. He’ll show you what to do. This way, you’ll avoid the messes that rage can create.
Last of all, remember this: the wrath of man does not produce the righteousness of God. As righteous as your indignation feels, wait. Listen. Let the Holy Spirit speak. He will, and then as you obey His leading, you will be a true vessel of God’s righteousness.
You can do all things through Christ who strengthens you!
Dorothy
A hot-tempered man stirs up strife, but he who is slow to anger quiets contention. Proverbs 15:18