Being a prima donna vs. being led by the Spirit
Sometimes the leading of the Holy Spirit is strong. But sometimes your own desires, tastes, and preferences are equally as strong. If you tend lump your personal tastes and quirks into the same basket with the leading of the Holy Spirit and go after all of it with the same intensity, you can confuse your own spirit and end up missing out on God’s guidance.
I was preparing to have surgery this summer. As the office coordinator set up the date and time, I learned that I was scheduled for 1:00 in the afternoon. That didn’t sit well with me, to say the least. Controlling my disgust as best I could, I talked to the nurse on the other end of the line and requested a timeslot for earlier in the day. Knowing that an afternoon surgery meant a longer period of fasting food and water, I was adamant: There was no way I’d be going without water all morning! I wanted it changed, and I wanted it changed now!
They weren’t budging. I was about to launch an all-out assault of bossiness, pushiness, and insistence when the Holy Spirit spoke very directly. “There’s a difference between being a prima donna and being led by the Spirit.”
Stopped in my tracks by His words, I was jolted back into reality. It dawned on me that I was using all my intensity for what? To spare me a few hours of thirst? Asking God for forgiveness, I prayed the prayer of dedication. I committed to cease striving in the flesh and to trust Him to orchestrate this thing. If Moses could go 40 days without water, I could go a few extra hours. And if God wanted to change the timing, He could do so without my help.
Two weeks later, I received a call from my doctor’s office. The surgery had been postponed by three weeks…and was scheduled for 7:00 in the morning.
Happy as a clam and grateful to God, I went my way, preparing my home to be more easily navigated after surgery and setting up friends to help until I could get around on my own.
And then, only after I had released the whole thing to God, did I start to receive a series of three cautions within a week’s time about the procedure. I prayed about each one, listened for any new promptings from the Holy Spirit within me, and set up an appointment to speak with my doctor about the specific method she intended to use in the operation.
She assured me as to the safety of this procedure and promised me that I could request a more traditional approach if I changed my mind—just give her a few days lead time. Nonetheless, I felt I should ask to meet with my pastor for prayer about it before he left town on a ministry engagement.
In the meantime, I became increasingly uneasy about the entire operation. It felt similar to the uneasiness I had experienced years ago, prompting me at the time to cancel vacation plans—unaware as I was doing so that my mom was going to pass away soon after I would have left for the trip—unreachable, before the time of cell phones. I had “doubled up on the Discerner” (God’s Word) back then until clarity came; I would double up on the Discerner again and leave it to God to reveal what was up (see “Double up on the Discerner”).
Finally, the day before I was scheduled to pray with my pastor and one week before surgery, the uneasiness was only growing heavier. I said in exasperation to the Lord, “I think I’ll just cancel this whole thing and talk to Dr. B (a different doctor) about doing the surgery.”
Instantly, uneasiness lifted. Peace came.
Friday night after the service, I waited to meet with my pastor and his wife. I felt kind of stupid—here I am meeting with them to pray for my surgery next week…but what will I tell them? I’m cancelling?! They’ll think I’m flaky!
They finished their conversations with various other church members and then ushered me into the small sitting room behind the platform. Before I could open my mouth, my pastor’s wife blurted, “I don’t think you should have that surgery next week.” Confirmation!
We were on the same page, hearing the same thing about this particular procedure. Once again, I had been “tackled” by the Holy Spirit, thwarting me from stepping out into something that would not have been good for me.
On top of that, when I mentioned to my pastors the name of the doctor I thought about going to for a second opinion, they both agreed heartily, affirming their respect for his expertise.
Who knows what I was spared by not following through with this procedure? I will not speculate, but I am a firm believer in being led by the Holy Spirit.
God is faithful and He will enable you to hear His leading…if you’re willing to double up on the Discerner and if you’re also willing to lay aside any “prima donna” demands that may muffle His leading.
It’s worth it!
Dorothy
Faithful is He who calls you, and He also will bring it to pass. 1 Thessalonians 5:24